Olympics and Trials

I've joined the Ravelry Olympic team. I'll be knitting Eloping from this summer's Knitty. It's not a big project, but with the wedding so close, it's all I can handle. I'm hoping to earn my first gold knitting medal.

I've been working on handling stress quite a bit lately. I've been interviewing friends and family when it's appropriate about how they deal with stress. Do they deep breathe? Do the eat ice cream? Do they drink? Do they go for a run? Do they punch the stressor in the nose? Do they scream into a pillow, do they get tough, or do they fold like a house of cards?

I'm so interested in stress right now because I'm under an ass-load of it. You'd think the details of the wedding would be stressing me out - but they really aren't. I can handle those details in my sleep - I literally do it for a living. But the stress of disappointing anyone with any request they make of me in relation to this wedding is killing me. I find myself trapped between the viewpoints of some of the people who I love the most.

It's funny, because as I waffle and try and avoid conflict I can feel my loved one's disappointment in what they perceive as my weakness, but the truth of the matter is that I've been so strong - going against the popular wishes of many of my friend's and family and society in so many decisions that I've made in the last ten years. I've literally made something of myself - by myself. I've taken the risks, I've done the work, I've put myself on the line to build a life. And now I'm plain worn out. I'm tired of fighting and now I just want everyone to be happy. I want to be a pacifist. I want - oh god, am I really going to say this - I want everyone to get along! Can't we all just get along? Seriously? I just want to do the right thing. I want, I want, I want...I want to disappear! I want to be invisible!

Here's the thing - I think I've fallen into a habit of being too self aware. I'm so quick to find blame in any situation and assign it squarely to myself. I'm willing to take the blame for anything - any gripe, any slight, any mis-understood comment. I'm your gal. I'm the bad guy, I'm the bitch and nothing you can do or say to me will be worse than what I'll do or say to myself at 3 AM. Don't worry, I'll remember for years and years. Even if you weren't hurt by it, or you were a normal person and were able to let it go - I'll feel badly about it for years. Carefree, doesn't apply here.

So, in the spirit of trying to make something of myself, I've got to pony up and forgive myself for things I think I've done. Tonight, I pledge to sleep well, to not rake myself over the coals for making decisions that I believe are right. I am not a jerk. I am not a recovering jerk (thanks, Randy) and I am a good person with a kind heart. And I seriously say "I'm sorry" too much. Shut it off so tomorrow doesn't ruin today (thanks again, Randy).

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Ok, a happy post will replace this one tomorrow, promise. But sometimes, you just have to get it all out there.

You've got to shred it, shred it

We get a lot of junk mail here at chez Yarnal Knowledge and when we were shopping for registry items we registered for a paper shredder on a whim. Our friend Melinda picked this one up for us for my shower. I can't wait to tell her how much we love it.

The shredding deposits you see above are from 1996. I'm not kidding.

For the last twelve years I have been moving boxes of old checks, old bank statements, old cancelled checks, old bills, ect... from college to home to Harrisburg, to Pittsburgh, back to Harrisburg and then to one part of NYC and now here. I've tried those paper shredders that you clip over your trash can in the past and I've come to the realization that those shredders are not for me. I need the terminator of paper shredders. I need the six page, occasional staple ok, cross cut, identity thieving proof paper shredder and I have to have one that is self-contained. And now I have one. And now I'm down to this:

Those are just the credit card offers from 2008. Listen Amex, Visa, Master Card, Discover Card, WWF, Children's Fund, American Heart Association, place where I bought my 1st car, 2nd car and 3 rd car, my college, my mother's college, etc... save a tree - you already have my email address, just send em there where I can delete them to my spam folder. I'll come to you. For goodness sake, most of these offers are coming from companies where I already have a card (all two of them). Leave me alone!

For now, it's all the news that's fit to knit!

Dark Knight

Dudes, go see it! We just did!

Time for a new look!

I felt like a change and this green is just the ticket! I don't change things up much on Yarnal Knowledge, so I hope you'll like it too!

Please visit with my new blogger friend Kelly, you can find her in my Following section on the right. Welcome to the addictive world of blogging, Kel!

Today, I leave you with the view from my bro's office. That punk has one of the best views in the city!

For now, that's all the news that's fit to knit (and right now, it's just too damn hot to knit!) Later gators!

Weekends on the Road

Look where we went! Oh yeah! Marriage License applied for, check!

The shower was amazing!

More on this later - I can't keep the lap top on me - it's just too freaking hot.

Until later, that's all the news that's fit to knit!

Shower the people you love with love!

We're outta here - time to head home for the final shower. I'm looking forward to seeing my pals Kelly and Dani and all of my other friends. It's been so long since I've seen so many people.

It's hot as snot here in NYC and I can't wait to be rid of the sticky, stinky city and headed for cooler and air conditioned PA.

I'm hoping to take a crap load of pictures, so I'll catch ya next week.

Before I sign off tonight, just want to give a big shout out of congratulations to Darren and Liesel on the birth of their daughter! I've seen pictures folks and I can tell you she's a heartbreaker - really beautiful. I can't wait to meet her. Darren and I have been friends for a gazillion years and I couldn't be happier for him!

For now, that's all the new that's fit to knit!

A Letter to Me:

Dear Me:

Things are turning out ok. You’ll be fine, but you should know a few things...

I know you’re eighteen and you feel like you’re at the top, stick it out, let yourself walk the path and for the love of all things good, please learn to forgive and get over yourself. If you’d only give up being a drama queen earlier than 1998, that would be great.

Learn to call people back, don’t be jealous and just live your own life. You’re not the coolest kid, you’ll always be chubby (but if you want to work on that, I’d sure appreciate it), but you will be surprised from time to time by how many interesting people you’ll come across.

Use less hairspray and don’t buy blue eye shadow.

Buy stock in MacIntosh and Target and when that kid from school launches YouTube.com, see if you can get in on that action.

You'll choose the wrong college the first year. Trust mom, she knows what school you should go to.

Go home for more weekends, dad dies before you graduate and it’ll wreck the next ten years of your life. Remember that it’s ok to run away from home, if you don’t, you won’t meet Chris.

Don’t spend too much time trying to figure out how you got so lucky when Chris proposes to you, you’ll never figure it out. Don’t debate telling him everything that’s wrong with you, he knows, but he’s going to love you anyway. And I won’t tell how he proposes for all the money in the world – you need to be surprised when it happens - it turns out so cool.

That car Dad gave you over Easter break, you’ll drive it until 2008, she’s the best car you’ll ever have, treat her well. It’ll break your heart when you have to give her up. Take tissues to the dealership.

Remember to thank the Dean of the English department, he’s going to go out on a ledge for you and you don’t deserve it - remember to write him after you graduate.

Always take that trip to Canada on your 21st birthday, it totally cements your friendships with Kelly and Dani and you’ll be friends with them for the rest of your life. Don’t skip that trip to study. Go have fun, but reconsider what you pack – you may dance on a bar that night.

For the love of all things good, when you get into deep trouble in 1999, ask for help this time. You’re still paying for that problem.

And nothing happens during Y2K - it's just a fun night with Kelly.

Eric’s gonna be a dad and you’ll be voted aunt of the year by two munchkins you love more than anything. Your nephew is going to steal your heart away, but you’ll love every moment of it.

You’ll never get to go home again and it kills you, but hang in there, you won’t be that lonely forever, kid. You’ll make it. I only wish the 50 year old me would drop the 30 year old me a line like this…

One last thing, don’t buy the strapless wedding dress. You look like a linebacker in all of the photos.


Love,
Me.

Flower-Girly!

Our flower girl gets her dress!

Friday Night - I need my girls living closer

It's Friday night, I've retreated to the cool Air Conditioned bedroom with my laptop, the dvd collection and a margarita...I wish my girlfiends lived closer. Can't wait to see Kelly and Dani next weekend!

A long weekend

The days and weeks have been slipping by this summer. I often find myself staring dumbfounded at my open day planner wondering where the time has gone. What happened to the lazy summer days of my childhood? What happened to weekends in the woods and sticky watermelon soaked fingers and chins? With questions like these at the forefront of my mind I can’t help but recognize that my childhood is truly over. I can only do my best to try and recapture that particular kind of magic as an adult.

We’ve been thinking a lot about our childhoods and our families from our tiny perch in Brooklyn. When you live in a large city, you can often feel so small. Cramming your life into 600 square feet of thin plaster walls and scarred wooden floors that have been lived on by countless hundreds of others before you can make you feel terribly insignificant and terribly small. And though in these days I feel so terribly small and so terribly alone in a city that eats the sweet and kind for breakfast; a simple phone call can focus your entire world so quickly.

“Dad’s had a heart attack”. It’s the kind of statement that you hear from other people or on television; not from your soon to be husband as you stand in front of the Mr. Coffee maker on Saturday morning, willing the machine to deliver you its delicious brown liquid of wakefulness. But Chris had said it and looked at me with those eyes – those eyes that seemed to say, holy shit – we were just there, we just visited. He was fine. What do I do? I have to be the grown up, I’m the oldest son and we’re trapped here in this city so far away and we can’t do anything, what do we do?

All of those things, all of those fears, all of those pleas in one shift of the eye and then they were gone, replaced by the take charge guy who could hold it together. And then I failed Christopher terribly, betrayed by my selfish tears that boiled over with the screaming thoughts that this can’t be happening again. You can’t be losing another father – not again. You were so close to having a father figure in your life again. Can fate be so cruel as to snatch him out of your grasp? In the last eight years you’d given your heart over to Chris’ father. You’d walked along the quiet, tree lined sidewalk in that tiny Carolina town and slipped your hand into his as he told you who lived in which house and talked with pride about his sons. You wanted years filled with him and his guidance and knowledge – you’d let yourself give into it. There’s something so solid about fathers – they always seem to know what to do. They always seem so willing to catch you and advise you before you fall. I love that feeling and I’ve missed that feeling so completely and in the center of my kitchen on a Saturday morning, I felt robbed. And I missed my own Dad so much that my heart felt absolutely empty.

The phone rang again and again throughout the day. The helicopter ride to Charlotte, the surgery, the waiting, but finally there was the phone call that said he was stable, serious but stable and you praised God that he’d granted the reprieve and you questioned why he hadn’t granted it before, but you were so willing to forgive the Him for giving in this time.

So we closed ourselves away in the tiny bedroom in the huge city of Brooklyn and we folded the wedding invitations in silent defiance of any other outcome than that of girl dancing at her wedding with a second chance father – turns out, it's going to be a second chance for both of us.

No Cents!

The invitations have arrived and they’re beautiful! Thank goodness! Big sigh of relief.

Much to my chagrin they will cost $0.59 to mail. Now riddle me this – most wedding invitations are the size that I ordered, so why on earth would the postage stamp with the wedding heart on it be $0.58 forcing me to add a crappy $0.01 stamp? It forces us to handle all of the invitations even more. Sigh. Has anyone ever used those stamps services where you make your own stamps, with their own value? Maybe I should do that.

That's Lunch!

The bridal luncheon was last weekend and I had such a lovely time. Eight dear friends came to have lunch and share their favorite recipes with me for my wedding. It was one of those moments when I felt like I was finally allowed to sit at the grown ups table. From my sister in law to my kindergarten teacher, I love those ladies so much! And Helen created such a lovely table and made such a delicious lunch. Sigh – I wish I could visit with them every single weekend. And I walked away with Helen’s recipe for fudge sauce (trust me, you’re jealous), Anita’s baked pineapple recipe, Rachel’s margarita’s, Diane’s drunken weenie’s, Pearl’s Amaretto Bread Pudding (loved the Busy Day Gourmet), Rozella’s Texas Sheet Cake Recipe (my brother wants all of the women in his life to be able to make this cake so he can have it any time he hangs his hat at one of our houses) and my mom’s overnight salad – deeeelish!

We’re at 89 days till the “I do’s” and I’m shocked that this date is coming at me so quickly. Chris and I are headed down to NC at the end of June for a shower and then back out to PA in July for another.

During all of this time I’ve finally ordered my invitations. The internet has made invitation ordering both quick and terrifying. On one hand, I didn’t have to order my invitations and wait three months for printing (thusly forcing me to set the time of the wedding and reception long before I really knew how I wanted the wedding to happen), but on the other hand if something is wrong with the invitations – it’s squarely on my shoulders. I had to type in all of the information, I had to write all of the text by myself … if there’s a problem there is no printer person to unfairly blame – it’s just going to be my goof. Gulp.

According to the website where I ordered my invitations they should be shipping out today. If all goes well, I should have those suckers in my hot little hand by next week at the latest. I’m hoping to beg my future SIL in NC to help me address them while we’re down there. It’s going to be a big task to tackle on my own.

In the mean time, when it’s not too hot, I’m working on this little scarf and thinking that I might head back and knit a favorite scarf of mine called branching out from a past knitty.com recipe.

Next up: Trying to get through another week of work. It’s the last thing I want to think about!

Till next time, that’s all the news that’s fit to knit!

Veils

My hair is going to be simple for the wedding. I'm wearing my mom's veil (I looove it) and I've decided that instead of doing some crazy big french twisty thing, that I really wanted to look like myself in the wedding photos. So, here's the one look and check out the back of my mom's veil:

For now, the knitting is slow 'cause the wedding is right around the corner. I even ordered the invitation Thursday night!

Friday marked three months out. Gulp. The dress is being altered, the hair has a plan, the invitations should be here in a week or so, the menus tasted and chosen, the cake has a plan, the flowers are ordered, C. is picking the music, the ceremony is set!

We might actually end up married!

Till next time, this is all the news that's fit to knit (and marry!)

Summer of Scarves?

I think I've started a summer of scarves! I'm just really into these lovely little projects all of a sudden. I've been through hats and socks and sweaters (though not very successfully) and I just feel this pull to be knitting scarves. So here I am...

Three beautiful scarves in the hold - and the above on the needles. I'm just going and going...and during the wedding planning, I think I need to have projects where I can memorize the pattern and knit without thinking too much (just enough to keep my minds off of the planning) and I need to be able finishing things - that's important too.

We hit the details - here's what my wedding bouquet should look like...I think. It's a little fuzzy - our flower lady was moving pretty fast...

Till later, that's all the news that's fit to knit!

We're Home!

If only my clients would learn to read, we wouldn’t have to call most of these people back!

Content later today - tomorrow at the latest. For now, I'm trying to clean out my sad, sad inbox.

The Word is Out!

Well, we’ve found our way to Thursday, haven’t we? The weeks are blowing past me at a pace I’m having trouble keeping up with. Tuesday marked exactly four months out until the wedding day. I’m both thrilled and ready for it to be over.

Chris and I have been together for 7+ years now – dating for a longer period of time than some of my married girlfriends have even known their husbands. And while I’m looking forward to the wedding, I simultaneously uncomfortable with the attention.

In the last ten years I’ve grown from a very confident and outgoing person, to a person who is love with routine. I think when your life gets turned up-side down you learn to error towards caution. I’ve become the kind of gal who likes to know what’s coming and to prepare for it. I think that’s a big part of the reason why I hate living in New York City so much, this city is unforgiving and tends to change on you in a snap. For a gal who likes to plan, it’s not the best combination. As an aside, I recently told C. that NYC and I have a true brother and sister relationship; its fine for me to bag on the city, but not for other to bag on the city. Funny how NYC can become a part of you…

The wedding begins to hit its stride next weekend when C. and I head into PGH for a massive three day planning binge. Over the course of Friday and Saturday we will be:

* Tasting and choosing a cake
* Meeting with the Preacher
* Tasting and choosing the menu for the reception
* Trying on and picking the tuxes
* Meeting with the Florist
* Designing the church decorations
* Picking the invitation and ordering it
* Picking the seating cards, programs, etc…
* Deciding on the wording of everything going into print including the dreaded and all important driving directions.
* Seeing Indiana Jones – ‘cause my mom is dying to go!

We’ll also be hitting some favorite sites (read: places to eat) that we never get to hit while living in NYC: the best ever: Eat n Park and we’ve all be jonesing for a trip to the Red Lobster. So – our bellies will be full and for the love of all things good PLEASE let my wedding dress fit and not make me look like a cheap hooker or a hooker of any kind, really.

We got the rings – wanna see???

Knitting pictures tomorrow! For now, that's all the news that's fit to knit!

Sucked In - the Wii has taken over the house!

I've been totally sucked in by the Wii that whole time. Ok, the Wii and the wedding have been the major time suck over the last few weeks.

I've never been a big video game fan. In fact, my FH is a gamer and there have been times that I've wanted to kick his Wow loving butt off the computer, but the Wii is different. I think it's because I feel like I'm actually in the game. When my brother got an Atari when we were kids, I was entertained by games like Frogger and Pac Man for about a day - I just hated sitting there - pushing buttons. So I grew up and got myself a job sitting in front of a computer, pushing buttons and I still don't like online games or x-box games, etc...in fact, Chris got me to play the Sims once and within ten minutes I accidentally caught my Sims house on fire and they all burned to death. It was a total accident. A combination of no cooking lessons, no phone and my inability to make them leave the house put me off of that game for life.

With the Wii - I'm swinging at the tennis ball like I'm playing tennis, I'm bowling like I'm in the sixth grade at the Monroe-bowl before it was turned into a Syms (no pun intended - it really is a Syms now). We bought the Olympic games game and I love it - I feel like I'm really playing a long and my Mii even looks like me! It's awesome. If you haven't found one - keep checking the Wii Tracker. They should be available soon and I think it's totally worth it.

The wedding has been center stage - today is the four month mark. This month kicks off trips home for planning and a summer full of wedding showers. We're so freaking lucky to know so many awesome people.

We bought wedding rings - pictures tomorrow, the camera is in the bedroom and I'm seriously about to go bowl a coupla frames.

Knitting?? Oh, yeah, well - a new scarf on the needles and new sock yarn in the house, so we've got some knitting to do. Like I said, pictures tomorrow, so see you then!

Till then, that's all the news that's fit to knit.

Wii Want to Play!

Oh dear God! Chris found a Wii. I'll see ya in bit...

Mini Me

It's me, circa 1977!

I've been scanning photos from the past, to make sure that we have them forever and I thought you'd like to see me, pre-knitter.

The House of Mouse

Last night, around 2 AM (why do most awful things happen in the quiet hours between 2 Am and 5 AM? I'll just never understand that). I was awakened by the sound of a something. A something that wasn't right in our bedroom. I did the only natural thing to do, I jumped on top of Chris and whispered "wakeupwakeupwakeup" he grunted and I whispered "something happened near the mouse trap" - and this is one of the moments in my life that I am thrilled to be a girl. I mean, my heart went out to Chris as he had to turn on the light, adjust his eyes and put his feet on the floor (where I was certain a giant New York City rat would stick out its rat arm and try to pull one of us under the bed to eat us) and put on his pants and walk around the bed with his feet on the floor - I of course pulled the girl card and scooted over onto his side of the bed (as far away from the sound of the something without having to put my feet on the floor where the giant rat was waiting to drag me under the bed.

Chris announced then that we'd caught the mouse that had evicted me from the bedroom for the last 48 hours. I always go through a few stages of emotion when we catch a mouse in the apartment. First, I'm grossed out (which is strange, because I've never seen the aftermath of a sprung mouse trap, but I can certainly imagine it), and then I feel victorious that we've taken back the house from this uninvited rodent and then I feel really, really regretful and sad that we killed something. And then I think that we should've caught the thing somehow and released it back into the wild. But then I realize that we live in Brooklyn, so to release this mouse into the wild, we'd have to trap it, call the parking garage and get the car, drive to Pennsylvania, release the mouse and get back through the Holland tunnel before rush hour, or we'd be screwed. It's too much. The mouse had to go the old fashioned way; spring trap. Then I try to go back to sleep - where all I think about is the stupid mouse.

So - now that we're past that...this is what I wanted to show you when the mouse first drove me out of the bedroom where the camera and the laptop were:




I learned to spin my own yarn on Saturday! I went to a class at The Point! It was wonderful. I'm bummed because I met the Brooklyn meetup organizer there and I planned to go to their meeting tonight, but I promised Chris I'd go see a friend's show tonight in the city - so I've got to miss, but next Thursday, I'm there!

The class was great, the people were so sweet and I've been spinning bit by bit all week.





I bought the Springtime Lacy Scarf kit from the Point while I was there. I'm working away on it now, feeding my renewed obsession with making scarfs.







This week I also bought myself a little something from the Loopy Ewe. I loved this little tote bag - perfect for a sock! And it has a cute little tag that reads: "sock yarns don't count as stash" I love it!





I also got this skein of sock yarn called "Laurie's Carolina Morning" It's superwash Loopy Legends sock yarn. I can't wait to make a pair of socks from it. It'll be a great travel project for me as I run around this summer with wedding events.

So, that's what's been happening here. It's been busy! It's been mousey - all of that. And for now, that's all the news that's fit to knit.