Favorite Things Friday

My mom gave these to me for a shower gift. Salt n Peppah shakers on a little leaf - it matches my whole Macy's Martha Stewart theme I've got going on.

These are so sweet, I can hardly wait to salt n' peppah things!

Honeymoon!

Ok dudes, I'm feeling much better after getting everything out last night. Thank goodness for blog confessions - it helps you keep it real. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be stress free - I'm not sure anyone ever is. But I'm doing some reading on simplifying my life - but more on that another day.

Today, we're talking about honeymooning. C. will tell you that the week after our wedding is not an "official" honeymoon. We'll be traveling to Europe next year once he a. procures his updated passport b. we have time off again c. we have money again (this wedding is a huge money-suck).

Until then, we're hitting the Finger Lakes! We're off to Lake Seneca, the Toganenwood Estate B&B and something called "The Wine Trail" (that sounds so lovely right now!)

The pictures posted here are from our B&B's website. We'll post a review upon our return...

So far, so good though - the proprietor seems so lovely and she told me about this little beauty:

It's a "Champagne Bath Tub" and it's right in my room! Apparently it isn't the typical jacuzzi tub, but rather it creates a gazillion champagne bubbles to surround you and relax you. I plunked my credit card down on this room with this tub faster than you can say "stressed much?"


So we've been reading Great Destinations - a complete guide to The Finger Lakes Book (3rd edition, Dyson). We're really happy with the book, it seems to give the History, Lodging, culture, dining, recreation, etc... Can't wait!


Now to find out where they keep their knitting shops!

Till tomorrow, it's all the news that's fit to knit!

Olympics and Trials

I've joined the Ravelry Olympic team. I'll be knitting Eloping from this summer's Knitty. It's not a big project, but with the wedding so close, it's all I can handle. I'm hoping to earn my first gold knitting medal.

I've been working on handling stress quite a bit lately. I've been interviewing friends and family when it's appropriate about how they deal with stress. Do they deep breathe? Do the eat ice cream? Do they drink? Do they go for a run? Do they punch the stressor in the nose? Do they scream into a pillow, do they get tough, or do they fold like a house of cards?

I'm so interested in stress right now because I'm under an ass-load of it. You'd think the details of the wedding would be stressing me out - but they really aren't. I can handle those details in my sleep - I literally do it for a living. But the stress of disappointing anyone with any request they make of me in relation to this wedding is killing me. I find myself trapped between the viewpoints of some of the people who I love the most.

It's funny, because as I waffle and try and avoid conflict I can feel my loved one's disappointment in what they perceive as my weakness, but the truth of the matter is that I've been so strong - going against the popular wishes of many of my friend's and family and society in so many decisions that I've made in the last ten years. I've literally made something of myself - by myself. I've taken the risks, I've done the work, I've put myself on the line to build a life. And now I'm plain worn out. I'm tired of fighting and now I just want everyone to be happy. I want to be a pacifist. I want - oh god, am I really going to say this - I want everyone to get along! Can't we all just get along? Seriously? I just want to do the right thing. I want, I want, I want...I want to disappear! I want to be invisible!

Here's the thing - I think I've fallen into a habit of being too self aware. I'm so quick to find blame in any situation and assign it squarely to myself. I'm willing to take the blame for anything - any gripe, any slight, any mis-understood comment. I'm your gal. I'm the bad guy, I'm the bitch and nothing you can do or say to me will be worse than what I'll do or say to myself at 3 AM. Don't worry, I'll remember for years and years. Even if you weren't hurt by it, or you were a normal person and were able to let it go - I'll feel badly about it for years. Carefree, doesn't apply here.

So, in the spirit of trying to make something of myself, I've got to pony up and forgive myself for things I think I've done. Tonight, I pledge to sleep well, to not rake myself over the coals for making decisions that I believe are right. I am not a jerk. I am not a recovering jerk (thanks, Randy) and I am a good person with a kind heart. And I seriously say "I'm sorry" too much. Shut it off so tomorrow doesn't ruin today (thanks again, Randy).

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Ok, a happy post will replace this one tomorrow, promise. But sometimes, you just have to get it all out there.

You've got to shred it, shred it

We get a lot of junk mail here at chez Yarnal Knowledge and when we were shopping for registry items we registered for a paper shredder on a whim. Our friend Melinda picked this one up for us for my shower. I can't wait to tell her how much we love it.

The shredding deposits you see above are from 1996. I'm not kidding.

For the last twelve years I have been moving boxes of old checks, old bank statements, old cancelled checks, old bills, ect... from college to home to Harrisburg, to Pittsburgh, back to Harrisburg and then to one part of NYC and now here. I've tried those paper shredders that you clip over your trash can in the past and I've come to the realization that those shredders are not for me. I need the terminator of paper shredders. I need the six page, occasional staple ok, cross cut, identity thieving proof paper shredder and I have to have one that is self-contained. And now I have one. And now I'm down to this:

Those are just the credit card offers from 2008. Listen Amex, Visa, Master Card, Discover Card, WWF, Children's Fund, American Heart Association, place where I bought my 1st car, 2nd car and 3 rd car, my college, my mother's college, etc... save a tree - you already have my email address, just send em there where I can delete them to my spam folder. I'll come to you. For goodness sake, most of these offers are coming from companies where I already have a card (all two of them). Leave me alone!

For now, it's all the news that's fit to knit!

Dark Knight

Dudes, go see it! We just did!

Time for a new look!

I felt like a change and this green is just the ticket! I don't change things up much on Yarnal Knowledge, so I hope you'll like it too!

Please visit with my new blogger friend Kelly, you can find her in my Following section on the right. Welcome to the addictive world of blogging, Kel!

Today, I leave you with the view from my bro's office. That punk has one of the best views in the city!

For now, that's all the news that's fit to knit (and right now, it's just too damn hot to knit!) Later gators!

Weekends on the Road

Look where we went! Oh yeah! Marriage License applied for, check!

The shower was amazing!

More on this later - I can't keep the lap top on me - it's just too freaking hot.

Until later, that's all the news that's fit to knit!

Shower the people you love with love!

We're outta here - time to head home for the final shower. I'm looking forward to seeing my pals Kelly and Dani and all of my other friends. It's been so long since I've seen so many people.

It's hot as snot here in NYC and I can't wait to be rid of the sticky, stinky city and headed for cooler and air conditioned PA.

I'm hoping to take a crap load of pictures, so I'll catch ya next week.

Before I sign off tonight, just want to give a big shout out of congratulations to Darren and Liesel on the birth of their daughter! I've seen pictures folks and I can tell you she's a heartbreaker - really beautiful. I can't wait to meet her. Darren and I have been friends for a gazillion years and I couldn't be happier for him!

For now, that's all the new that's fit to knit!

A Letter to Me:

Dear Me:

Things are turning out ok. You’ll be fine, but you should know a few things...

I know you’re eighteen and you feel like you’re at the top, stick it out, let yourself walk the path and for the love of all things good, please learn to forgive and get over yourself. If you’d only give up being a drama queen earlier than 1998, that would be great.

Learn to call people back, don’t be jealous and just live your own life. You’re not the coolest kid, you’ll always be chubby (but if you want to work on that, I’d sure appreciate it), but you will be surprised from time to time by how many interesting people you’ll come across.

Use less hairspray and don’t buy blue eye shadow.

Buy stock in MacIntosh and Target and when that kid from school launches YouTube.com, see if you can get in on that action.

You'll choose the wrong college the first year. Trust mom, she knows what school you should go to.

Go home for more weekends, dad dies before you graduate and it’ll wreck the next ten years of your life. Remember that it’s ok to run away from home, if you don’t, you won’t meet Chris.

Don’t spend too much time trying to figure out how you got so lucky when Chris proposes to you, you’ll never figure it out. Don’t debate telling him everything that’s wrong with you, he knows, but he’s going to love you anyway. And I won’t tell how he proposes for all the money in the world – you need to be surprised when it happens - it turns out so cool.

That car Dad gave you over Easter break, you’ll drive it until 2008, she’s the best car you’ll ever have, treat her well. It’ll break your heart when you have to give her up. Take tissues to the dealership.

Remember to thank the Dean of the English department, he’s going to go out on a ledge for you and you don’t deserve it - remember to write him after you graduate.

Always take that trip to Canada on your 21st birthday, it totally cements your friendships with Kelly and Dani and you’ll be friends with them for the rest of your life. Don’t skip that trip to study. Go have fun, but reconsider what you pack – you may dance on a bar that night.

For the love of all things good, when you get into deep trouble in 1999, ask for help this time. You’re still paying for that problem.

And nothing happens during Y2K - it's just a fun night with Kelly.

Eric’s gonna be a dad and you’ll be voted aunt of the year by two munchkins you love more than anything. Your nephew is going to steal your heart away, but you’ll love every moment of it.

You’ll never get to go home again and it kills you, but hang in there, you won’t be that lonely forever, kid. You’ll make it. I only wish the 50 year old me would drop the 30 year old me a line like this…

One last thing, don’t buy the strapless wedding dress. You look like a linebacker in all of the photos.


Love,
Me.

Flower-Girly!

Our flower girl gets her dress!

Friday Night - I need my girls living closer

It's Friday night, I've retreated to the cool Air Conditioned bedroom with my laptop, the dvd collection and a margarita...I wish my girlfiends lived closer. Can't wait to see Kelly and Dani next weekend!

A long weekend

The days and weeks have been slipping by this summer. I often find myself staring dumbfounded at my open day planner wondering where the time has gone. What happened to the lazy summer days of my childhood? What happened to weekends in the woods and sticky watermelon soaked fingers and chins? With questions like these at the forefront of my mind I can’t help but recognize that my childhood is truly over. I can only do my best to try and recapture that particular kind of magic as an adult.

We’ve been thinking a lot about our childhoods and our families from our tiny perch in Brooklyn. When you live in a large city, you can often feel so small. Cramming your life into 600 square feet of thin plaster walls and scarred wooden floors that have been lived on by countless hundreds of others before you can make you feel terribly insignificant and terribly small. And though in these days I feel so terribly small and so terribly alone in a city that eats the sweet and kind for breakfast; a simple phone call can focus your entire world so quickly.

“Dad’s had a heart attack”. It’s the kind of statement that you hear from other people or on television; not from your soon to be husband as you stand in front of the Mr. Coffee maker on Saturday morning, willing the machine to deliver you its delicious brown liquid of wakefulness. But Chris had said it and looked at me with those eyes – those eyes that seemed to say, holy shit – we were just there, we just visited. He was fine. What do I do? I have to be the grown up, I’m the oldest son and we’re trapped here in this city so far away and we can’t do anything, what do we do?

All of those things, all of those fears, all of those pleas in one shift of the eye and then they were gone, replaced by the take charge guy who could hold it together. And then I failed Christopher terribly, betrayed by my selfish tears that boiled over with the screaming thoughts that this can’t be happening again. You can’t be losing another father – not again. You were so close to having a father figure in your life again. Can fate be so cruel as to snatch him out of your grasp? In the last eight years you’d given your heart over to Chris’ father. You’d walked along the quiet, tree lined sidewalk in that tiny Carolina town and slipped your hand into his as he told you who lived in which house and talked with pride about his sons. You wanted years filled with him and his guidance and knowledge – you’d let yourself give into it. There’s something so solid about fathers – they always seem to know what to do. They always seem so willing to catch you and advise you before you fall. I love that feeling and I’ve missed that feeling so completely and in the center of my kitchen on a Saturday morning, I felt robbed. And I missed my own Dad so much that my heart felt absolutely empty.

The phone rang again and again throughout the day. The helicopter ride to Charlotte, the surgery, the waiting, but finally there was the phone call that said he was stable, serious but stable and you praised God that he’d granted the reprieve and you questioned why he hadn’t granted it before, but you were so willing to forgive the Him for giving in this time.

So we closed ourselves away in the tiny bedroom in the huge city of Brooklyn and we folded the wedding invitations in silent defiance of any other outcome than that of girl dancing at her wedding with a second chance father – turns out, it's going to be a second chance for both of us.